When you hurt me, I couldn't stand you anymore because I couldn't breathe and I had no space.. But now I've had plenty.. And man do I miss you. You hurt me so bad but I loved you so much. An no one makes me feel complete like you do. Even if we were a mess. I just wanna marry you. I should have when I had the chance. I need things with you back.
I love you so much, Shawna.. :( Ever since you started messaging me, all I can ever think about is YOU! When I’m home, sleeping, at work, doing whatever, I can’t stop thinking about you! :( Please take me back.. I’ve changed and wanna be the best I can be for you. “If you love someone, set them free & if they come back, it was meant to be”. Are we supposed to be together forever…? I want to be.. I miss my baby bunny.. I need you, Shawna. I want to make you sooo happy! I want to always be the only one that makes you feel complete.. I wanna spend my life with you, Shawna. :/ I need things with you back.
Thoughts.
Is it wrong that I STILL love you…? That I tried forgetting about you, and came close for a short period; but you continually come back to me…? Everywhere I go, there are memories of us.. Whether it’s driving past a park, driving down Harlem, going to get pizza at Nonna’s or ice cream from Andy’s… I just recently went downtown and EVERY fkn thing reminded me of the memories we shared there.. Every fkn store, every street, all the memories came flooding into my head. I can’t get away from you…no matter how hard I have tried, I keep thinking about you and our memories. I think about being called your “bear” and going on walks to Dunkin Donuts to get Iced Coffees or Ice Cream. How I would give you a piggy back ride the entire way from your house, there and back.. My God.. Every fkn thing I do, every-fkn-where I go, YOU’RE THERE!!! It’s not even like I’m obsessed or anything like that at all.. It’s just we’ve made so many damn memorable, happy memories together. EVERYWHERE. And everywhere I go, those memories rush over me and I have no control over it. And I miss you. And I say to myself “I love you, ******”… You were my bestfriend.. I know I made mistakes and wasn’t perfect but I tried as damn hard as I could to be.. I never in a million years wanted to hurt you.. EVER. You truly were my everything and the greatest thing to ever happen to me.. You truly were perfect to me.. And you were the ONLY girl I wanted. I thought you were so beautiful and that nothing compared to you.. I don’t know why you forced yourself to believe otherwise.. You made me the happiest I had EVER been.
I have gotten a lot better. Losing you made me lose myself. I have calmed down and obv don’t bother the fk out of you now.. But I always wonder if you think of me ever.. Or if I just mean nothing at all..as I lay here picking up the pieces of what once was. I miss you and still love you. I just wish you’d talk to me. You could see I’ve gotten better. The only way I could get even better is if I could just talk to you about everything calmly without you blowing up on me so I can just try to understand everything.. Did you really love me as much as you said you did….? Ugh… I have so many damn questions that I don’t know if they’ll ever be answered. I wish you’d just give me the opportunity to talk to you. I don’t wanna fight or argue or hurt you or anything. I just wanna talk to the one person I opened up everything to and was my bestfriend. My soulmate. The girl I was supposed to marry. I wish you could just give me some type of closure…
I still love you, Shawna. I wish I could make you happy.
